curry for prez

With the current presidential election a chaotic storm of madness, many have called for the NBA’s reigning MVP Steph Curry to make a run for office. While he lacks experience, he is surrounded by a team of specialists that could help him succeed as he gets his political sea legs underneath him.


Supreme Court Justice: Steve Kerr

While the GOP holds up the Merrick Garland appointment, Curry should give current President Obama a quick call to get Kerr in the open seat. Obama loves Curry, so he’ll listen to him. Who better to be the 9th and deciding vote on some of our country’s biggest cases than the level-headed, well-respected Kerr? Politicians on both sides of the aisle will love Kerr’s smooth and sarcastic yet direct and firm ways.


Co-Secretaries of Defense: Andrew Bogut and Draymond Green

In politics, you always need someone willing to get a little dirty. Want to take out ISIS? Send in these two to fight fire with fire. Preparing for a debate and need to shut down the racist hate-mongering of your small-fingered opponent? Dray and Bogs will make him jump from the stage quicker than a Bernie Sanders supporter could ever do.


Co-Secretaries of Agriculture: Klay Thompson and Luke Walton

Curry should dominate the millennial vote, but just in case, he can send Klay and Luke across the country to legalize marijuana in every state. However, he should send Ron Adams with them to make sure they don’t get stuck spending too much time sampling the weed in every state they visit.


Vice President: Harrison Barnes

Look good, smile and shake hands while doing absolutely nothing. Perfect role for Barnes.


Secretary of Education: Festus Ezeli

He graduated high school at 14. The U.S. ranks 14th in the world in education and 2nd in ignorance. We need your smarts Festus.


United Nations Ambassadors: Leandro Barbosa and Anderson Varejao

The rest of the world will finally love the U.S. with the humorous and fun-loving Brazilian tag-team duo representing us at the U.N. Next time Kassym-Jomart Tokayev asks why the U.S. supplied a terrorist group with billions in weapons, Barbosa and Varejao can just shrug with their “Who us?” grins and all will be forgiven.


Co-Secretaries of Labor: Shaun Livingston and Brandon Rush

No one has worked harder to come back from injury than these two, so let’s put them in charge of making sure everyone else works.


Speaker of the House: Mo Speights

Just so we can see him smiling behind Curry at the State of the Unions.