Maggette > Monta (This Year)

By:Sherwood Strauss

When I posted a defense of Steph Curry, the positive reaction shocked me.  Usually people shoot from the limbic when responding to sports writing. And I’m no great sports writer—just some dude foolish enough to etch his corneas watching GSW ‘basketball.’ Since I know the happy can’t last, I might as well pretend to willingly squander it. I might as well say nice things about Corey Maggette.

The Steph Curry ‘Hater Target No. 1,’ piece was about national perception. Maggette hatred is a local phenomenon.  He’s won some over with recent productivity, but the Oracle groans persist. Corey’s on a short leash with these understandably surly fans. It’s been that way since the Warriors essentially traded him for Beard God Baron.

Look, I get it, I watch the dude play.  What he does is a shady perversion of basketball. That’s why he’s ‘bad porn’ Corey (figure it out).

For contrast, let’s look at how Monta Ellis plays. The tiny, spindly guard whips into the lane while slinging a high-difficulty over-the-shoulder layup.  It sounds cliché to call the movement a blur, but Monta really does blur my HD feed. From a bad angle in Oracle, he seems to disappear under the armpits of converging defenders, only to teleport five feet behind them for a lay-in pirouette. Viscerally thrilling, a feeling Maggette will never, ever evoke.

Let’s look at how Maggette plays.  He lowers his head while dipping a shoulder.  Two dribbles hoop wards and he’s already leaning for contact.  It’s an offensive foul, or at least it would be were it not for Corey’s sleight of hand.  Somehow this ball of muscles flies backward from the ‘contact.’  It’s a visual trick—Maggette uses an off arm to redirect his body movement.  The ball? That thing’s flying into the stands, chased by the sound waves of Corey’s wounded animal bleat. Monta Ellis always tries to get the bucket. Sucker. CM makes no pretense of attempting the ‘and one,’ since he’s too damned busy working for the whistle.  That’s why Maggette’s arms fly in opposite directions, as though some corrupting force tore them from the rock.

The whistle tweets because there’s just too much going on.  A man fell backwards, howled, the ball went flying, arms and legs were splayed.  Humans take shortcuts, and the NBA’s 300-year-old refs (hey, they can play for the Celtics!) can’t absorb everything.  If you saw a man aim a gun toward another man who then flew backwards while a blast sounded, automatic causal assumptions would happen (hey, both these hypothetical dudes can play for the Wiz!). Our minds fill gaps. It’s why we have objective consistency illusions (like when you read ‘Paris in the Spring’ without noticing a certain typo). All hail Maggette, the optical foul illusion.

Four Maggette hoodwinks aren’t worth one Monta thrill ride, not in the eyes of a fan.  No one remembers Maggette foul draws, and no one wants to.  But the con jobs work.   He’s averaging a ridiculous 11.6 free throws per game in January (Monta tallied 4.6 in that span).   Even with all the Kamikaze careening, Corey’s shooting over 50% and keeping his turnover rate surprisingly low.

(Yea, but if he’s so good, why aren’t we winning?)

I’ve heard that counter argument. Here are a few counter-counter-arguments. Tolliver. TOLLIVER (funny name, can’t help myself). Coby Karl (seriously). Cartier Martin. Mikki Moore.

(His selfishness has a negative impact on a team.)

As Maggette heaves himself into defenders like he’s an overly friendly Labrador, obvious assists evaporate.  I’ve seen him miss cutters, rollers, corner spot ups, every kind of open look imaginable.  And I could see him as the wrench in the GSW printing press, really I could.  Except the Warriors have been better with him on the court than with any other guy (Simple rating: +6.9). Go figure.

(Look at his track record. Born loser.)

I thought so too.  Then I Internetted. Maggette spent NBA life in basketball purgatory.  After a bench warming rookie season with the Magic, he jetted off to the wrong LA team.  CM stewed in that dungeon for a near-decade, only to move from Alcatraz to Shutter Island (that’d be our zany team).  Was he supposed to win championships with the Clips and Dubs?  I’ll answer that question with a question (followed by a comment). Remember how much some of us hated Jamal Crawford?  Situations are important, man.

And Corey Maggette is making the best of this awful situation.  He’s in a post-contract year, having his best season yet.  While an out of shape Artest waddles through the first year of his Laker deal, Maggette’s out there fighting. Okay, he might just be fighting for stats. But at least he’s fighting.  Dude could have just loafed it this year, there’s nothing stopping him.

He’s worth the contract, just not for this ticket to the Wall raffle. The Spurs should’ve gotten him, not RJ.  The Warriors should be singing his All-Star praises, not Monta’s.  Every time his ugly drive prompts that whistle, embrace the blessed productivity of it all. Even if you can’t hear the whistle over James Naismith vomiting into a peach basket.